Anatomy of a Take-Out Disaster

• Pick up a cheesesteak sandwich on the way home from the Law Factory.
• While enjoying the steaky goodness, notice that it's sort of causing your nose to run.
• Crack open the helpfully included cutlery-salt-pepper-napkin package.
• With the napkin in position, take a nice deep breath preparatory to blowing.
• As you inhale, realize with mounting horror that the little pepper envelope apparently did not do its pepper-containing job.
• It is now way too late for this information to help you.
• Don't even think about using the Napkin of Evil to blot your streaming eyes.
  

I believe I sneezed out a significant portion of my frontal lobe in that little incident. Ow.




In other news, exams are kicking my ass from here to China, and they haven't even started yet. I am so fucked it's beyond belief. Life is not good right now.

The Netflix Chronicles continue...

I just saw a pretty damn good movie: Kontroll, from Hungary. It reminded me a lot of Miller's Crossing, in certain ways, and more distantly of Hard Eight ...all filtered through something like Run Lola Run.

And, like Miller's Crossing but even more so, the main character* in this movie is severely, breathtakingly attractive. Albeit somewhat blood-streaked by the end. And maddeningly familiar, somehow...I kept thinking I've seen this guy before, but I haven't seen any of his other films, and if I'd actually met someone as desperately good-looking as that, you'd think I'd remember, right? It's a mystery.


Also, very gratifying to find out: kurva is a naughty word in nearly every Eastern European language. Even a heathenish non-Indo-European one like Hungarian.

*Sándor Csányi

It's unfortunately indicative of my thought patterns that it took me years to realize that the acronym BFF does not stand for Best Fucking Friends.

I mean, come on. Best Friends Forever is not the first thing that comes to mind.

Does the group you're referring to have their own army? No? Then DON'T FUCKING CAPITALIZE IT.**

You know what really pisses me off?

Well, yeah, "everything," fair enough.

But in particular, the subject of this morning's Two-Minute Hate: people who inappropriately capitalize words. Yeah, that seems a little strange coming from me, considering that I randomly capitalize All the Damn Time. But when I do it, it's With Irony Aforethought, for literary* effect and shit. What pisses me off is when people capitalize perfectly normal group designators for no damn reason. For example: "It is hard for me to understand what these Liberals think..." "I like all types of music except for Country music, its crap." This irritates the living fuck out of me.

I think what makes it so infuriating is that it's overcorrecting. It's why people say "He gave it to Brad and I..." when there is a fucking OBJECTIVE CASE CALLED FOR THERE. Saying "Me and Brad are here" is also incorrect, but it's a hell of a lot less pretentious.


Man, can you tell it's a struggle to write these days? At least I can always fall back on spewing bile at total strangers.


*well, ok, for "literary" effect. Heh.

**Obviously there are exceptions to this. I mean, we still capitalize Czech. Haha! I'm kidding -- the Czech Republic does in fact have an army, but all they seem to do is Look Sexy on the Metro. But they do that very well indeed...keep up the good work, čeští vojáci!

The Queen of Things Better Left Unsaid

...is how someone addressed me in an IM conversation recently.


I am SO PROUD.

From a recent conversation with my brother

"How did the monkey get there?!"
"I don't know, but it's tragic!"
"Exactly!"



When you know all the same songs, your conversations become somewhat opaque to the uninitiate.