Bitchcakes
In my family, losing is by far the most effective form of winning.
No, seriously. The loser gets to be the one that gives in, the one that's a Christian Martyr of Fortitude about the whole thing. The one that gets to sulk in a perceptible yet plausibly deniable manner. The one that gets to lay the guilt trips for weeks afterwards. And let me tell you, laying guilt trips is our favorite thing ever.
My, um, aunt is the reigning world champion of the winning-by-losing thing. She's got it down to a fine art...it's almost worth the psychological scarring to watch her in action.
In fact, she's actually taken it to a whole new level: she can actually win by losing while winning. Here's how it works: you have a dispute. She wins the dispute. Then (and this is the part that nearly caused me to put a fist through the wall several times during high school), then, you know what she does? She turns around and makes you feel guilty for making her feel down because you're feeling down about having lost. So not only did you fucking lose the argument, you get to feel bad for making her feel bad that you feel bad about motherfucking giving in to her. You don't even get to mourn your loss without undergoing the Guilt Trip of Doom. And yes, I realize that's too many italics for one paragraph, but tough shit. It's that annoying.
See what I mean:
"Do this! Do this!"
"But I don't..."
"NOW! Lest I unleash the Hounds of Guilt!"
"Ohhhh okay, if that's how it has to be."
"Why are you sad about it?! You know it makes me sad when you're sad! Why would you want to make your aunt sad? Whyyy??"
"ehn...ehn...ehn..." [pounds head against wall]
Note: I'm not talking shit here. I'm in awe of her mad skillz, in fact.
No, seriously. The loser gets to be the one that gives in, the one that's a Christian Martyr of Fortitude about the whole thing. The one that gets to sulk in a perceptible yet plausibly deniable manner. The one that gets to lay the guilt trips for weeks afterwards. And let me tell you, laying guilt trips is our favorite thing ever.
My, um, aunt is the reigning world champion of the winning-by-losing thing. She's got it down to a fine art...it's almost worth the psychological scarring to watch her in action.
In fact, she's actually taken it to a whole new level: she can actually win by losing while winning. Here's how it works: you have a dispute. She wins the dispute. Then (and this is the part that nearly caused me to put a fist through the wall several times during high school), then, you know what she does? She turns around and makes you feel guilty for making her feel down because you're feeling down about having lost. So not only did you fucking lose the argument, you get to feel bad for making her feel bad that you feel bad about motherfucking giving in to her. You don't even get to mourn your loss without undergoing the Guilt Trip of Doom. And yes, I realize that's too many italics for one paragraph, but tough shit. It's that annoying.
See what I mean:
"Do this! Do this!"
"But I don't..."
"NOW! Lest I unleash the Hounds of Guilt!"
"Ohhhh okay, if that's how it has to be."
"Why are you sad about it?! You know it makes me sad when you're sad! Why would you want to make your aunt sad? Whyyy??"
"ehn...ehn...ehn..." [pounds head against wall]
Note: I'm not talking shit here. I'm in awe of her mad skillz, in fact.
posted by ridley at 3/20/2005 10:43:00 AM
1 Comments:
What do mean by the "um" in the "my, um, aunt" bit? (Not feeling particularly analytical or insightful this afternoon.)
--Catherine
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