O dveře!
So my first day of class was Monday, and I was supposed to be there by ten at the latest. It's two Metro stops from my apartment, so I should leave by 9:40.
I wake up all glowy and sleepy, look at my watch, and freak right out. It's 9:53. I tear around the room grabbing clothes and manage to get out the door at 9:58. The door to my apartment, that is. The door to the outside, however, refuses to respond to my frantic pushing. Shit, it must be locked on the inside too--kind of a firetrap. So I turn the key in the lock, push harder. Still no. Front door--same thing. It's fucking 10:00 now, and I'm completely panicked. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a...
Abruptly, the door of the apartment opens and this ancient Czech lady looks out. I'm trying to explain my predicament in English and German at once, and she's waxing vituperative in Czech, when...holy fuck, Granny's not wearing any pants. Ohh Granny. I back away as she slams the door. I decide to give the bloody exit one more try before I make the ten foot jump from my window, and the sonofabitch comes open just like that. Fuck me, it was pull. Not push. Pull.
And that, folks, is the stupidest I've ever felt. I'm only slightly comforted by the realization that in the US, every single door to the outside opens outwards, away from the house. Because otherwise it's a fire hazard, that's why. Fucking Commies.
Anyway, I made it to class only 15 minutes late, and it didn't matter, it turned out. So life is good. All right, if I want to have money for food, I need to get off the net.
I wake up all glowy and sleepy, look at my watch, and freak right out. It's 9:53. I tear around the room grabbing clothes and manage to get out the door at 9:58. The door to my apartment, that is. The door to the outside, however, refuses to respond to my frantic pushing. Shit, it must be locked on the inside too--kind of a firetrap. So I turn the key in the lock, push harder. Still no. Front door--same thing. It's fucking 10:00 now, and I'm completely panicked. Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a...
Abruptly, the door of the apartment opens and this ancient Czech lady looks out. I'm trying to explain my predicament in English and German at once, and she's waxing vituperative in Czech, when...holy fuck, Granny's not wearing any pants. Ohh Granny. I back away as she slams the door. I decide to give the bloody exit one more try before I make the ten foot jump from my window, and the sonofabitch comes open just like that. Fuck me, it was pull. Not push. Pull.
And that, folks, is the stupidest I've ever felt. I'm only slightly comforted by the realization that in the US, every single door to the outside opens outwards, away from the house. Because otherwise it's a fire hazard, that's why. Fucking Commies.
Anyway, I made it to class only 15 minutes late, and it didn't matter, it turned out. So life is good. All right, if I want to have money for food, I need to get off the net.
posted by ridley at 8/10/2004 07:53:00 AM
2 Comments:
The "Oh Granny" part almost made me snort my coffee all over my laptop! I'm sure it was awful while it was happening, but you account is just damn funny. We all have days like those... Hopefully it's gotten better for you.
wow, only three days into your visit and you're already being sexually harrassed by a senior citizen. good job!
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